#3 to be smart or not to be

I sometimes feel that in ten, twenty years, I’m probably going to be that person with the shitty job who ‘could have done so much more with her life’. That sounds really negative but after seven years of what I would deem as ‘failure’, it’s hard not feel that way. It’s hard not to feel stupid. However, I know that I’m not stupid. When I put my mind to something, I can do it. It’s just that I have trouble putting my mind to something. Lack of focus, lack of confidence and lack of concentration. I suffer from all three. I can have one great day and it will be followed by two weeks of crap. I can sometimes never understand why, though sometimes I know exactly why I have trouble. My learning process was always, ‘write all of the information, read it once over and bam’. Usually, it was in my head. Obviously as you get older, there’s more and more to process and that doesn’t really work anymore. Now I have bits and pieces floating in my head and when it comes to recalling it, I panic. I get anxious and end up blanking completely.

I’ve read a million of articles on improving focus. This one even has concentration exercises, which I will try — if I can stay focused for longer than a second!

The first one is

Exercise 1
Take a book, any book, and count the words in any one paragraph. Then, count them again, to be sure that you have counted them correctly.

After a few times, do so with two paragraphs.

When this becomes easy, count the words of a whole page. Do the counting mentally and only with your eyes, without pointing your finger at each word.

Maybe I’ll try it with this post! Trying isn’t really the problem though. I just can’t seem to stay focused, no matter what I do. Sometimes it’s hard not to just give up and say, ‘what’s the point?’. I think I’d rather know when to quit than to keep going, but for now, I’m close to the finish line and I’m just going to hope to hell that I can make it.

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