In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Forgive and Forget?.”
This prompt is rather apt given what I wanted to blog about. To sum things up, I had a friend who I was close with for a few years. We drifted apart but I would keep in touch and try to start a dialogue and after one or two emails, they would vanish until I got in touch again. At the same time, they would constantly tell me to ‘keep in touch’ like it was my duty and the naive part of me believed that it was. It’s hard to forget that I was 18/19 when we first started talking and as mature as I thought I was, I was actually still a dumb kid. Recently, after not hearing from them for a year I tried to have it out with them. They were behind one of the most abusive tirades I’ve ever been on the receiving end of and I sort of resented them for that.
I dragged the whole thing up and in the midst of it all, my anger faded. It was already a pesky wisp, snapping at my ankles, but I realised that holding onto it was so stupid. I also realised that holding onto our friendship was stupid. They spun me a yarn and lied to me but I still went against my instincts and agreed to stick with the friendship. This person, after long emails about what I perceived to be one-sidedness, never got back to me. They asked to remain my friend but never bothered to say a word about it the second I agreed. I eventually had to force a response out of this person (which I hated) and what it boils down to is ‘I’m too busy to talk to you, but hey, let’s keep in contact!’.
They have said this to me twice now and the first time I agreed – I got no response. The second time, just a few weeks ago, I told them ‘hell freaking no’. Well, I didn’t quite phrase it like that, but I essentially said I was done with our friendship for now and that I would email them later if I choose to. Over the course of this situation (December – May, jeez), I have learnt a lot of things. One, holding on to petty drama is pointless and two? There’s no point in being mad at someone who doesn’t care. This person thinks that they’re my friend. They have acknowledged all they’ve done and still, I know that they won’t change. They claim not to like conflict, and while I gave them a hard time over that, I can understand it. I just refuse to accept it. Someone who carelessly dismisses my feelings without a care in the world isn’t someone I want to be friends with. That their reaction to me ending our friendship is silence is a reflection of them not me.
I can forgive them for that but I’m not going to forget. To forget would mean not learning from the situation and I have and will continue to do so. Forgiving means that I am choosing not to dwell on the situation and give it more thought than it deserves. So, I’ll bring this chapter to a close.