#16 drama, llama, drama – as usual

Right now I’m not speaking to a friend of mine. I’m not entirely sure she knows that I’m not speaking to her, or sure if I will tell her before I go back to speaking to her. Probably not because even if she notices, I doubt she cares. Oh, well I just saw that she sent me a message. 

What happened really was that I asked her to look at something for me and she didn’t. Now I had an idea that she wouldn’t but I still hoped that she would. I was speaking to her about what I had asked her to look at and complaining about someone else wanting the full thing before they could get on with what they’re doing with it. She said ‘Oh, well they have a point’ – yes, I know that but the problem is that I feel unsure about it and need a second opinion. I have other people I can ask but I asked her. And I never ask her for anything, yet I have done a lot for her. I’ve given her money (that apparently wasn’t a loan but a gift? I let that shit slide), listened to her talk about her issues, asked her ex-friends for her stuff back, signed onto Skype at 3am just because she demanded it and every time she needs a favour I’ll do it, no questions asked. In return, I get a whole bunch of ‘Lol’ and ‘Lmao’ for my trouble. And then she’ll say we’re best friends and I’m like, ‘the only time I can get more than a sentence from you is when we’re discussing you or something you’re interested in’ but I will never call her out.

The reason why I got annoyed was because after what she said, she brought up the fact that I’d asked her to look this thing over. I would probably have just coasted by the fact. I am afraid of confronting people because every time I do it blows up in my face and I lose friends. And then I think, ‘why didn’t you just keep your mouth shut!’ – but at the same time, I don’t think suffering in silence is a better alternative either. However, I don’t want to argue with anyone. To continue, she brought it up and then said she felt bad that she hadn’t done it. WHAT DOES SHE WANT ME TO SAY TO THAT? I ended up telling her not to worry and that it was okay — and upon reflection I thought that actually that was kind of manipulative on her part. Expressing upset at not doing what I asked – or even attempting to — OR, OR ACTUALLY SAYING NO! I’d rather she say n than to pretend and then come to me two weeks later acting like she’s brokenhearted about it. No.

The whole thing annoyed me so I decided to take a step back from communicating with her while I get over it. I think I was less upset before she brought up that she felt bad than I was before because I knew she wouldn’t read it. Why I asked, I don’t know, I did really need help and she happened to be the one person I’m communicating the most with right now. I can accept that she doesn’t want to do it but I try the line at comforting you when you’re the one who’s let me down.

Sitting there telling her not worry about really upset me for whatever reason. But yeah, I guess it’s not worth breaking up a friendship, I just need my space at the moment. I worry that I’m being petty but…I don’t know. I guess I just need some time to get over it.

Featured image credit: here

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