Sometimes sharing isn’t caring

I recently went through a milestone of sorts and I didn’t put it on Facebook or anything so…the only people that knew were those that I told. And when I really thought about it, the number of people to potentially tell was low. There was no one. All of those friends who say they’re there for me – nowhere to be seen. I guess that I could just send a picture and tell them but…I don’t know that I want to.

I told one person and I asked how they were because I haven’t heard from them in months. They said they weren’t good. I said that I was there if they needed to vent. They said, oh yeah, I’ll definitely need you. To say that I regret asking is an understatement.  It’s not that I don’t want to be needed, just that I don’t want to be used. I don’t want to take time out of my day to console someone who doesn’t appreciate it. I’m tired of being the one that’s always there. I’m the person they come to when fucked up shit is happening. And maybe that’s what friendships are about. Sharing the bad stuff. Helping them through it. However, how can I be expected to care when I didn’t know the good stuff in the first place? I wasn’t considered worthy enough of sharing good news. I suppose I get it. It’s a selfish part of life. We want to keep the good. We have to share the bad. I’m kind of over it. I’m done consoling, done advising people when they just discard me afterwards like I’m a piece of rubbish.

I have two friends like this who dutifully do things like play me back on Words With Friends but they can’t pick up their phones and text me a simple hi. And for whatever reason, I go along with it. I don’t know. I feel like I’m being messed with but I know that would require some level of care on their parts and that clearly is not the case.

The major downside is that it makes me not want to talk to anyone. So the people that do reply end up getting nothing and I end up losing them too. It’s a vicious cycle with no end.

Such is life.

Tossed away like yesterday’s news

It feels like I only ever write on here to complain about other people, but hey, not like I post that much, right?

I stumbled across some old messages today from an old friend. It’s been four years since we last spoke and I am sure that we are two very different people now. I think in some ways the fact that we were somewhat close in age but that she was independent and living her own life made me a little resentful, although, I think that was a small part of it. I’ve learnt not to compare myself to other people. Mostly because I am kind of too old for that, but not too old to set myself on the right path. I have to believe that age is just a number that has no bearing on what I can do. So, I’m hanging in there, focusing on my own journey. Read More »

I don’t want to talk about it

I received an email the other day from a good friend of mine. It was about a topic we have discussed numerous times. Something we both liked and then began to dislike and eventually started to laugh at. Now often, I find myself doing things for other people. Like indulging them when it comes to things that I don’t particularly want to talk about. Online fandom is something that I strive to stay away from. I think it is reaching that point where the fan/celebrity relationship is essentially a full on disguised supplier/consumer relationship, except celebrities and public figures are selling some version of their lives and fans are buying into it. That’s their choice.

For me, I am glad that I got myself out of it. However, my friend is still very much kind of involved and sometimes I don’t mind. Other times the things she says are just…irrelevent to me. It’s like, ‘hey, this person still exists and these people are still stupid LOL’ and fine, we can laugh about it, but at some point, I need to move on entirely. Read More »

Being ignored by someone is never easy.

I have this friend. We used to speak regularly and then we didn’t. And then we added each other on whatsapp and we spoke practically every day. We maintained a somewhat regular conversation even when she started studying full time. She divulged personal things and I did too. We were pretty close I’d say.

Things changed toward the start of this year. I didn’t hear from her much and I think I reached out. She had a good reason for being  a little distant and I don’t actually mind the distance now and then.  What really gets to me is that she picks and chooses what to respond to. It’s okay if someone can’t respond right away but to not respond at all drives me crazy. There are times when I’ve needed to talk and I see that she’s seen my message but I get nothing back. It’s hurtful and worst of all, something that she’s expressed disliking in the past. Now given that she’s always been guilty of this I guess I should not be surprised. And I’m not. I am however, completely fed up of being ignored by people who claim that they’re there for you. It’s one thing to ignore a silly picture but to do it so frequently without any attempt to respond really pisses me off. Even if it took a week to reply, I wouldn’t be mad. If she didn’t reply at all I maybe would get the hint and just move on but…

…if she gets an opportunity to talk about herself, that gets the water flowing. The dam bursts and I get more than silence.
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#11 Moving on

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Forgive and Forget?.” This prompt is rather apt given what I wanted to blog about. To sum things up, I had a friend who I was close with for a few years. We drifted apart but I would keep in touch and try to start a dialogue […]